Building on a podcast in which I navigated the delicate interplay between love, intimacy, and well-being, this article sheds light on the transformative power of nurturing relationships on our overall quality of life
“Love refers to a deep feeling of attachment and intense affection for someone, whereas intimacy refers to the closeness and connection shared between two people. Love has the power to exist even without intimacy, such as when we love someone from a distance, without being emotionally or physically close to them. Similarly, intimacy can exist independently of love, like having a strong physical connection with someone without romantic feelings.”
“Love refers to a deep feeling of attachment and intense affection for someone, whereas intimacy refers to the closeness and connection shared between two people. Love has the power to exist even without intimacy, such as when we love someone from a distance, without being emotionally or physically close to them. Similarly, intimacy can exist independently of love, like having a strong physical connection with someone without romantic feelings.”
Human beings are inherently social creatures. We thrive on connections, companionship, and most notably, on love and intimacy. The feeling of being loved and sharing an intimate bond with another human being is fundamental to our sense of well-being.
On my podcast, storyteller and mythologist Seema Anand, who specialises in women’s narratives, and is also an award-winning author and corporate guru, explains how love and intimacy are connected.
“Love and intimacy are related concepts, but they are not the same,” she says. “Love refers to a deep feeling of attachment and intense affection for someone, whereas intimacy refers to the closeness and connection shared between two people. Love has the power to exist even without intimacy, such as when we love someone from a distance, without being emotionally or physically close to them. Similarly, intimacy can exist independently of love, like having a strong physical connection with someone without romantic feelings”. In the episode, Anand also throws light on the fact that the poses in the Kamasutra, the ancient Indian text on love and sex, which are often the subject of jokes, were metaphors, and possibly aimed at fostering a certain energy between two people engaged in the act of intimacy. “They [the poses] are there for a reason. They are not acrobatics,” she says.
“It [the Kama Sutra] talks about how one can nurture a loving relationship emotionally and physically. The text candidly emphasises the importance of intimacy, a topic which people in orthodox societies often shy away from talking about – and yet which is so vital for well-being.”
“It [the Kama Sutra] talks about how one can nurture a loving relationship emotionally and physically. The text candidly emphasises the importance of intimacy, a topic which people in orthodox societies often shy away from talking about – and yet which is so vital for well-being.”
Adding to that, Dr Dreamal Shah, homoeopath and a personal counsellor, says, “It [the Kama Sutra] talks about how one can nurture a loving relationship emotionally and physically. The text candidly emphasises the importance of intimacy, a topic which people in orthodox societies often shy away from talking about – and yet which is so vital for well-being.”
Additionally, psychologist and sex expert, Dr Anujaa Navratnaa, points out that, “Kama Sutra, written by Vatsyayana, is about maintaining balance in all our worldly responsibilities which includes our desires — including sexual pleasure”.
Also listen to: Intimacy after Infidelity
Intimacy, Anand says, “can involve emotional, physical, and spiritual connections, and can be expressed in a variety of ways, such as through deep conversations, physical touch, or shared experiences. Love can also involve emotional and physical connections, but it is a more complex emotion that encompasses a range of feelings and experiences, such as admiration, respect, and a desire to care for and support another person”. Both these experiences – love and intimacy – contribute to health through their ability to meet a quintessential human need for connection and contact.
Additionally, psychologist and sex expert, Dr Anujaa Navratnaa, points out that, “Kama Sutra, written by Vatsyayana, is about maintaining balance in all our worldly responsibilities which includes our desires — including sexual pleasure”.
Also listen to: Intimacy after Infidelity
Intimacy, Anand says, “can involve emotional, physical, and spiritual connections, and can be expressed in a variety of ways, such as through deep conversations, physical touch, or shared experiences. Love can also involve emotional and physical connections, but it is a more complex emotion that encompasses a range of feelings and experiences, such as admiration, respect, and a desire to care for and support another person”. Both these experiences – love and intimacy – contribute to health through their ability to meet a quintessential human need for connection and contact.
As renowned relationship expert and psychologist, Dr John Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, whose work on marital stability and divorce prediction is world-famous, succinctly observed, “At the heart of love is a profound friendship.” It’s this friendship that serves as the bedrock of intimacy and well-being and overall health.
How love and intimacy influence well-being
Love and intimacy shape our well-being in myriad ways. They provide a sense of security and acceptance, diminish stress, and bolster mental health. The feeling of being loved offers reassurance and validation. It infuses us with the courage to face life’s tribulations, secure in the knowledge that we are not alone.
Dr Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), explains in her book ‘Hold Me Tight,’: “Emotional intimacy and emotional engagement are associated with higher relationship satisfaction.” The emotional bond formed through love and intimacy offers a safe harbour, reducing anxiety and engendering a sense of inner tranquillity that contributes to mental well-being.
Conversely, Dr Shah points out, “Repressed sexuality has been known to sometimes trigger aggressive behaviour. After all, indulging in acts of intimacy is just as important as feeding oneself.”
A significant long-running study on happiness that’s being conducted by the Harvard Medical School, and which is known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, has confirmed that the quality of our relationships is a vital predictor of health and well-being. The study found that individuals in loving, supportive relationships were happier, had fewer health problems, and lived longer compared to those in high-conflict relationships or who were isolated.
Also listen to: Meditation for love
Love and intimacy shape our well-being in myriad ways. They provide a sense of security and acceptance, diminish stress, and bolster mental health. The feeling of being loved offers reassurance and validation. It infuses us with the courage to face life’s tribulations, secure in the knowledge that we are not alone.
Dr Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), explains in her book ‘Hold Me Tight,’: “Emotional intimacy and emotional engagement are associated with higher relationship satisfaction.” The emotional bond formed through love and intimacy offers a safe harbour, reducing anxiety and engendering a sense of inner tranquillity that contributes to mental well-being.
Conversely, Dr Shah points out, “Repressed sexuality has been known to sometimes trigger aggressive behaviour. After all, indulging in acts of intimacy is just as important as feeding oneself.”
A significant long-running study on happiness that’s being conducted by the Harvard Medical School, and which is known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, has confirmed that the quality of our relationships is a vital predictor of health and well-being. The study found that individuals in loving, supportive relationships were happier, had fewer health problems, and lived longer compared to those in high-conflict relationships or who were isolated.
Also listen to: Meditation for love
How it works
Intimacy, both emotional and physical, stimulates the release of hormones such as oxytocin, the ‘love hormone,’ which can help mitigate stress and anxiety levels. This hormone not only promotes feelings of love and bonding but also plays a pivotal role in overall health, influencing aspects from mood regulation to heart health.
Importantly, as the Harvard study highlights, it is not the quantity of relationships but the quality that matters. It is the bond that matters, be it with a partner, a close-knit group of friends, or family.
Acceptance and the need to nurture relationships
To improve our well-being, we must thus foster and nurture such relationships, encouraging a deeper bond and understanding with our loved ones. As Leo Buscaglia, the late American author and motivational speaker who was also known as ‘Dr Love’, once aptly stated, “Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.”
For love to result in emotional and mental health benefits, it’s not enough to experience a fleeting romance, what you want to aim for is a deep relationship. For the feeling of love to sustain, it’s important to foster acceptance. Swiss-British philosopher, Alain de Botton says, “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” This concept applies equally to relationships, where acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness—integral facets of love and intimacy—can positively influence our sense of self and overall well-being.
There’s no doubt that love and intimacy contribute significantly to our well-being. With this understanding, we can harness the power of love and intimacy to lead healthier, happier lives.
